My journey with Breakthrough started August 1, 2013.
I sought out help from Chris and Karen for many reasons.
I was in a very dark stage in my life.
I had recently gone through a horrible divorce and I could not muster the will power to pull myself out of the funk.
I had become a bad cliche of yo-yo dieting, not working out, and was in the mindset that eating less (or not at all) would make me skinnier.
I have had weight control issues for most of my life.
My relationship with food was dampened at a young age listening to family members chastise and criticize me and my mother for being overweight.
There was constant name calling and we were punished with food or for eating food that was designated for special people.
I can recall several occasions sitting at our kitchen table with a plate of jalapeños in front of me and being forced to eat them for “Being sassy”.
I began to loathe food and some days could not force myself to WANT to eat.
Thus was the beginning of my eating roller coaster.
After graduating high school I moved away from my family, got married, and had my daughter.
Pregnancy was very difficult for me, I was constantly fighting a war inside my head telling myself I had to eat to nourish my child but just couldn’t do it.
I would starve myself for days or go to the other extreme and stuff my face until I couldn’t breathe.
As my pregnancy progressed, things changed.
My father-in-law and brother-in-law (who was 16) came to live with us.
The dynamic of my household changed and I was pulled back into the criticism of my eating habits.
I was being watched every day and was subject to harsh comments about how much I ate and how fat I was getting.
Every day I fought an internal war.
I thought about my weight and food non-stop; even in my sleep.
I started weighing myself almost a dozen times throughout the day.
The thoughts consumed my life.
Eventually the emotional abuse escalated to an extreme.
By this time I had my daughter, I had to get out.
That relationship ultimately ended, however my relationship with food and my self-esteem continued to suffer for many years.
I spent the next 15 years fighting with myself and involving myself in relationships with men who just tore me down.
I began to feel that, since I was overweight, I deserved it and that I brought this upon myself.
I thought I deserved everything that was happening.
In addition to the disdain I had developed for food, I acquired a more dangerous habit.
I was convinced that diet pills were the answer.
I have taken every diet pill that has been put on the shelves and I never took the dose as directed.
I thought, “If I take more, I’ll lose more, right?” I was taking 3 – 5 different kinds a days and sometimes as many as 10 pills a day.
I had convinced myself that I NEEDED them.
I still felt overweight, and as a single mother working full time I made no priority for working out at the gym.
I had convinced myself that starvation and diet pills were the answer.
I knew that what I was doing was not healthy but I didn’t care – I just wanted to be skinny.
I didn’t care how I was going to get there, I was just determined to get there.
It worked for a while but my weight was constantly up and down.
In December of 2009 I married a man that was, at the time, my best friend.
We had a long distance relationship for the first year of our marriage.
He was active duty military, and when he got orders to Dover I moved to be with him in Oct 2010.
Things were rough after the move. I was unemployed, in a new place, I had no friends, and I was sad. I missed my job and friends in Houston.
Things escalated with my new husband and we started fighting constantly.
Every time we fought, I sank deeper and deeper into depression and withdrew even further from everyone and also from food.
I couldn’t be the wife or mother I wanted to be because I was consumed with sadness.
It wasn’t long before the relationship ended and I was devastated.
I was thousands of miles from family and had no one to turn to. M
I wasn’t eating and the only thing I was putting in my mouth were diet pills and alcohol. I knew I had to stop but I didn’t know how to fix it. I let it control my life.
The first time I met with Chris, I didn’t think I would be able to truly say out loud what I was feeling or going through.
I had never told anyone except a Therapist (which helped a little).
It was so embarrassing and liberating at the same time.
As I said it all out loud, it suddenly became more real.
I was setting such a bad example for my daughter and I didn’t even realize it.
She saw me struggle with food and hate my body and myself for years.
She grew up thinking this was normal – she didn’t know any different or any better and it was because of me.
Chris helped me realize this.
I immediately started rectifying the damage I had already done.
However, it has not been an easy journey.
The workouts are amazing and the other gym members are so inspiring and uplifting.
I knew the workouts would be the easiest part of this journey for me but when Chris told me I had to eat (and 6 times a day), I cried.
I still struggle to get all my meals in, but I’m doing it.
Chris was right, eating more does help lose weight! What?!
I am focusing on calling a treaty with the war in my head.
It still consumes my thoughts every day and all day but now in a more positive way.
I don’t know exactly how much weight I’ve lost.
I don’t focus on what I’m losing but what I’ve gained.
I’ve gained a more positive look on my body and being a more positive role model for my daughter.
I’ve gained my life back and it feels amazing!
I thank Chris and Karen every day and I couldn’t have done it without them!