As I sit here scared to death to write this little story of mine, I realize this is one of the many hurdles I am destined to get through in this journey to a new lifestyle.
I am not one to bring attention to myself; I always want to stay in the background, never really putting myself out there.
And I know the reason behind this is my self confidence, or lack thereof.
I have a huge fear of failure and rejection and having people read all about me and what Ive gone through brings all that up in big doses of reality.
Get uncomfortable Chris says, so here goes
I hate to be one of those people that blames their childhood for all their problems, there is so much that I could put under the umbrella of a bad childhood.
But my bad eating habits definitely stems from that era. I was an only child of a single mother for many years.
We didn’t have sit down meals; we really didn’t get together for meals at all.
Many nights my mother would just buy me a can of ravioli that I would cook myself so she could go out.
I was never taught to cook and I was definitely never made to try new things.
What I knew became what I did, which was passing on bad eating habits to my children.
My oldest daughter has played travel softball since she was 10 years old until the time she left for college this past year.
This really was a family affair where we would spend all week at the ballpark, and all weekend at tournaments, from early in the morning until all hours of the night.
We ate ballpark food several times a day and in addition we would go out to restaurants after games.
I didn’t mind having my life revolve around my daughters sports.
I let that be an excuse.
We all know the saying about how life happens; well I just looked at myself one day and realized I had let myself go, not only physically, but mentally.
I had let all the stresses of my crazy life happen and I did not see a way out.
I have two alcoholic parents, two drug addicted brothers and I spent my life taking care of everyone else and never worrying about what I was doing to myself.
I started going out a lot and drinking, leaving my husband at home to take care of the kids.
I thought I was finally doing something for myself, getting “Me” time.
I was only doing what I had been taught from my parents, even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do.
Turns out, I was making all the wrong decisions and it almost cost me my marriage.
I was looking for things to make me feel good about myself, to make me feel important.
After going through a crisis in my marriage, I realized I had to make changes.
I stopped going out all the time, I recommitted to my family and tried to follow a healthier path.
I joined the gym, going once or twice a week trying to convince myself it was enough.
I had decided I was going to pay for the personal training sessions because I wasn’t seeing results, as if once or twice a week was going to get me anywhere.
I had no clue what I was doing.
It was when I was ready to pay $2,400 for personal training sessions that I found Breakthrough through an online search.
I made an appointment with Chris and had my session with him.
I remember my husband telling Chris at that meeting that he had his work cut out for him working with me.
I’m the pickiest eater alive, I dont like to try new things, I dont know how to cook healthy meals, I was a mess.
Chris said as long as I was committed, that we could do it.
Boy did I make him work for his money!!!
During my first year at Breakthrough, I really never gave it my all.
I would go to classes sometimes and try to not bring attention to myself, just getting through the workouts so I could say I did it.
I never really connected with anyone; and that was when I even showed up.
Weeks would pass where I didn’t make it to a class.
I was lying to myself when I said I was fully committed.
I was so scared of failing that it made me fail even more.
There were many times in the first year that I would sit in the parking lot of Breakthrough and talk myself out of going in.
Here’s a sad story about my first workout with Karen, who turned out to be someone I look up to immensely: I was so intimidated by Karen, due to struggling during my first workout with her where I couldn’t perform one of the exercises.
I left that workout so upset with myself.
I kept telling myself she must think I am an idiot.
For the longest time if I knew she was the trainer that day, I would leave.
I would be so ashamed by not going that I would drive around or go shopping so that my husband wouldn’t know I skipped out on my workout, thus disappointing him as well.
The second year I finally started realizing I was wasting a lot of money just to go through the motions.
I knew I needed to really get my butt in gear.
I started doing a lot better getting to the gym, getting cardio in and making outside personal goals for myself.
I ran my first 5K and loved it.
But I still never gave it 100% when it came to my nutrition.
So when this Total Transformation Contest came up, I was really interested.
It seemed like something I could really get into and it provided tons of recipes and I figured there would be at least a few I would be willing to try.
Around the same time of starting this contest is when I had a few things happen personally with my family stresses and I decided it was time to let go of all the negativity and stop letting people take advantage of me.
This started out being a contest, but to me its about changing my life.
It’s about finally allowing me to become important and not worry about things that I cant change.
It’s about utilizing my amazing support system in my husband, close friends, and the most inspiring gym friends and trainers who never gave up on me.
With all of these people standing there with me, I simply cannot fail this time.
I have finally made that mental switch that I never thought possible.
The mental changes in me are just unbelievable.
Once I got my head into the game, I knew I could do it.
I now make better food choices, I try new things when before you wouldn’t be able to get me to try anything new.
I work out every single day; cardio is not a chore for me any longer.
I know that if I’ve had a bad day I can sweat it out, and that is the only me time I need.
I know that I am nowhere near where I want to be in the end, but I’m working on it every day, and I can honestly say I’m putting my 100% effort in now.
I’m becoming that happy, confident girl that I always hoped to be.
I’m so excited for my future!
Shannon McCarty